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by StarComets04
Summary: Saiyuki's Funniest encounters. Sequel to ALPHABETICAL. The gang is up for another comedy act when the sutra goes missing and the cast has to perform certain DARES. Rewritten
1. INTRO

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki but I'd sure be lucky if I did

Plot: ever think the guys are always so cool? All I can assure you is that they're always funny but **before** the program begins, here's a Commercial brought to you by the Sanzo-ikkou with your host; "Niku"

" ♥ **INTERMISSIONS **♥ "

Commercial: _**Intro to the group**_

**_(loud applause)_**

Niku (sarcastic host/ reporter): Welcome again everyone! I'm here to introduce the one and only Sanzo-Ikkou! We're here for a short interview and clips with them before the real show begins

Niku: here's a question for Mr. Gojyo, so, do you find fighting a youkai a nice work out?

Gojyo: Well, I'm not much into working out right now, my recent philiosophy is, "No Pain, no pain."(coughs)

Awkward silence….

Niku: Oh that was interesting uhuh, that was well, anyway who am I trying to fool?

ooo♥ooo

Up Next...Interview with Goku (applause) and on his right; "Hakkai!" (applause)

Niku: you know Hakkai, seeing how reckless you drive, you should drive slowly. When you drive fast, accidents catch up with you.

Hakkai: Well, actually Ms. Niku, I drive fast so the accident cannot catch up with us

Niku: I see…moving on...

ooo♥ooo

Niku: here's a smart simple science question! For a not so smart simple…uhm well

Goku: Don't worry Hakkai thought me science.

Hakkai: you can do it Goku, just remember what you learned.

Niku: good, listen carefully I know it is hard for you to understand but I'd be fired If I don't get this shoot. Well, here it goes. Why do you think electricity is important?

Goku: If it weren't for electricity we would all be watching television by candlelight

Awkward pause...

Hakkai: I never taught him science

Niku: Yep, that's great mister Hakkai, dignity first!

ooo♥ooo

Next up: Sanzo!

Niku: what is the difference between a bigfoot and an intelligent Goku

Sanzo: There have actually been sightings of Bigfoot

….

Niku: Now there's some smart decent answer!

ooo♥ooo

Niku: Now that you've heard them, its time to see the clips of my last week's experience with the Sanzo ikkou

(the big screen started playing the clip)

_In an inn..._

Niku: Hey Gojyo, I see your cough is better this morning

Gojyo: Why not? I've been practicing all night

Niku: I'd better ask somebody else for the shoot (leaves)

Niku: Can't you do anything else Goku, besides eating and fighting?

Goku: well, I can get money from Gojyo. Come on I'll show you

_Niku sneaking behind a tree…Goku approached Gojyo_

Goku: Gojyo, will you lend me 20 dollars if I asked you?

Gojyo: Well, I've got nothing to do with it yet, so yes, I suppose so.

Goku: Alright then, lend me 20 dollars but just give me 10 first

Gojyo: Okay, but why?

Goku: Then you'll owe me 10, and I'll owe you ten, and we'll be square

(Smiles)

Niku: Smooth move!

Goku: I know, he never realized it

ooo♥ooo

Niku: now you've heard them and seen them. There's no need to introduce them further. And that's it for this commercial now get back to the show

* * *

A/N: **Please review so you can tell me your favorite parts** Thanks to all the reviewers!!!♥♥♥ 


	2. Sanzo's Bad Luck

Niku: And now, the moment you've all been waiting for. I proudly present; "Saiyuki, the intermission Movie!)

(Applause)

Niku: Near the Sanzo party, a little girl, while skipping on her way to _Modern_ Kante village, picks up a very interesting toy...the Sutra! How? well, it won't be revealed yet until a few more chapter. The Sanzo Party now has to stay in Kante village to find the little girl. Now here's the scenario of their lives without a sutra beggining with breakfast.

(Red curtains parting, movie begins to play...)

* * *

Chapter 1**: Sanzo's Bad Luck**

'Thwack' a paper fan hit Goku and Gojyo's head. 'Ouch'

"Uh Sanzo what should we do?" Hakkai had to ask

"We can't do anything else. I had rent an apartment for two weeks then we'll go after that little girl and teach her a great lesson about property that she'll never forget. End of discussion!" Sanzo straightly grunted at the three.

Goku was just about to say something but Sanzo interrupted, "No food, no dinner we have to take a rest and you three seriously need a shower from all that trash digging. I don't even want to think about what happened"

"But!"

"I don't care if you die of hunger, now take a shower before you rot. We'll take our breakfast tomorrow in the nearby restaurant." Sanzo yelled as he rested on the apartment's couch.

The Next Morning…

**Breakfast scheme:**

Sanzo-Ikkou walked inside Kante's national Restaurant. Nobody dared to bring up yesterday's disaster. As usual, a monkey eats loud, fast, and plenty. Sanzo had already calmed himself and had revived his natural expressions from the mishap. They chose the table inside a garden to relax. All were eating peacefully.

"Hey guys, this village have great facilities including Spa treatments, famous restaurants and night bars." Hakkai encouraged.

"Ohh, this village wouldn't be half bad at all," Gojyo looked at a brochure.

"Except with the broken bridge," Goku added as he filled his mouth with pizza slices.

Sanzo smirked, "Don't even bring that up. Why can't you think of something enlightening?"

"He can't think at all remember?" Gojyo teased at Goku as he tried to snatch the mushroom steak.

"Can too!" Goku argued. "By the way, Are caterpillars good eat?"

Sanzo Smirked again and sighed, "Haven't I told you a hundred times not to mention your despicable gross ideas in mealtimes? It spoils my appetite"

"You shouldn't have asked that, why do you suddenly ask about a caterpillar?" Hakkai added.

"It's just that…" Goku spoke softly

"That what?"

"I saw one in Sanzo's lettuce but now it's gone" Goku smiled.

…Awkward interval…

Sanzo rushed into the boy's room covering his mouth and barfed. Sanzo thought "_That crunchy long green stalk must be that caterpillar. I think I'm gonna be sick!"_

ooo0ooo

Hakkai instinctively followed Sanzo. Hakkai opened the door and approached Sanzo

"Hakkai, I think it's stuck in my throat"

Hakkai didn't know what to do. His first instinct is to help him but looking at Sanzo's face, He really, badly needed to laugh.

A few minutes later Sanzo and Hakkai walked towards the table.

"I'm not sure if I could eat more lettuce." Sanzo said. His eyes were a little teary.

Gojyo covered his mouth to cover his giggles. Goku dumbly stared straight.

Finally, after that, Sanzo asked the waiter for the bill.

"Sorry sir but our machine broke, we only accept cash," the waiter said, bowing his head.

Sanzo got really pissed off then collected his cash and joined them with Gojyo and Hakkai's cash in order to complete the bill. He didn't even say a thing. Poor Sanzo, bankrupted, sick, and especially angry, he ignore Gojyo's roar of laughter when he saw Sanzo's face.

"Monkey, use your brain once and count my coins" Gojyo ordered Goku

Goku counted "One Two Three…"

"Can he count?" Sanzo asked.

"I suppose so." Hakkai answered

Goku continued counting aloud, "Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Jack, Queen, King!"

…Awkward silence…

They all thought, "He's hopeless."

ooo0ooo

Back in the Apartment…

"Goku why don't you ask the inn on the next village on how long will it take to get there from the bridge," Sanzo ordered.

Goku dialed the number and spoke, "How long will it take to get there from Kante Bridge?"

A voice said, "Just a sec…"

Goku smiled and said, "Thank you"

And with that he hung up.

ooo0ooo

"So Goku How long again?"

"The voice said just a sec"

"Stupid useless monkey. I'd ask them myself." Sanzo picked up the phone.

"Well, Goku's not that dumb!" Hakkai commented

Gojyo spoke "I have a lot of reasons to disagree"

he ate inflammable trash

he found a banana peel on his way home, jumped over it then fell on a manhole

he tripped over a cordless telephone

he studied for a blood test and failed

he'll sold a car for gas money

he once tried to drown a fish

he took a measuring tape to measure how long he had slept

he…

Hakkai stared at Gojyo for a few seconds, " Are you talking about Goku or from your own dumb experience?"

"Well, I thought you wouldn't notice"

…Awkward Silence…

"Anyway, I had to deliver something. I had to earn some extra cash so see ya later!" Gojyo tried to diverse his embarrassment.

"Hey Gojyo, I'd come with you!" Goku shouted as he ran outside to catch up.

ooo0ooo

_Gojyo Delivers..._

He was driving a truck full of furniture logs for a factory about a couple of miles ahead Goku was sitting right at the front passenger seat.

Gojyo passed a sign "Low Bridge Ahead" Then because of his ignorance, he got stuck under the bridge thus, causing traffic.

A cop in a motorcycle approached them and said, "Got stuck huh?"

Gojyo thought of an alibi. He paused for a moment. "I was delivering this bridge when I ran out of gas!"

…Awkward Silence…

ooo0ooo

The cop raised an eyebrow and asked for Gojyo's driving license.

And then Gojyo said, "Do you seriously need that to drive?"

The cop glared at them and said, "Both of you just have to explain this in the precinct."

Goku, cried, "Both of us? I didn't do anything!"

The cop replied, "You didn't have your seatbelt strapped on."

"Oh"

"Gojyo, I heard about prison, it ain't fun and can I still eat seven times a day?" Goku cried.

"Here we go again" Gojyo sighed.

To be continued…

* * *

Star: Well, wait up for the next chapter...

When Goku meets jail and Sanzo has to bail. A monkey's stomach mumbles and someone gets in trouble. The next chapter will soon be coming, and I should really stop rhyming.

**So, what are your favorite parts in this chapter? Please Review! **(Grammar and spelling corrections are welcome)


	3. Gojyo Sneaks

Last time on Curiosity Killed the Cat,

Last time on Curiosity Killed the Cat,"Gojyo, I heard about prison, it ain't fun and can I still eat seven times a day?" Goku cried.

"Here we go again"

**Chapter 2:**_** Gojyo Sneaks**_

At The Precinct…

"This two were the ones I reported to you this afternoon about the traffic," A cop said arrogantly.

Goku stared deeply with the surroundings of the jail. He pouted and made face, looked up at Gojyo as if he was so insulted. A few seconds later a loud grumbling noise was heard, followed by, "I'm Hungry, let's go home!"

Gojyo scratched his head. The cop let them inside the jail. Gojyo was speechless. He was actually thinking how to explain this to Sanzo. Sanzo's temper would be uncontrollable especially because of the racket yesterday and this morning at their breakfast. Before any of the two can say anything a police cop approached them and said, "You two each get one phone call." They got up and dialed.

Not much after that, a man came for the two of them. Before the man approached them, the police asked, "So are you a friend of this two?"

"Nope"

"Well I suppose you're their lawyer," The Police came closer.

"Nope, I'm just here to deliver their Pizza. So, who ordered the pepperoni and the choco shake?"

…Awkward Interval…

Well, Sanzo and Hakkai heard about the news and bailed them out of jail. Good thing, the precinct accepts credit cards. Sanzo didn't even dare to say a word. This day is much horrible than he expected. That caterpillar ruined his meal and two idiots ruined his rest. Well, they got home safely with no more bad luck. The precinct isn't that far from their apartment.

At the apartment…Again…

"That chimp's pissing me off. Can't you keep him quiet?" Sanzo put down his newspaper angrily at the living room table.

Gojyo paused for a moment, "Ask him to add three plus two."

Awkward silence…Again

Sanzo stared badly at Gojyo. Sanzo grunted, he stood up angrily and wailed a few pieces of paper then took his gun. He marched towards Goku, about to confront him as if he's gonna scold him. "Oy Goku, do me a favor and answer this math questions for me." Sanzo soften his voice.

Gojyo really wanted to laugh he really did but then, Sanzo reloaded the bullets of his gun.

Hakkai was also about to laugh when he saw Goku silent and very confused. He also thought that Gojyo suggestion worked.

That same night…

Gojyo got really bored. Sanzo came with Hakkai in his shopping since, he doesn't want to be bothered by their noises. Goku got tired of solving the first math problem then eventually gave up. Gojyo let him play outside with some other folks.

Gojyo thought of something. Well he sneaked up to Hakkai's room and searched for something interesting.

"Come on, there must be something in here, Something funny and worthy of blackmail." Gojyo whispered to himself. Suddenly he picked up a small bag full of papers. He instinctively thought it was those resolutions and letters they make judging from the appearance.

"So Let's take a look" He grabbed a piece of paper then read:

2004: I will not make Goku angry

2005: I will not take food from Goku

2006: I will not make fun of Goku

2007: I will not make Goku believe that I do my resolutions

'Pervertedly', Gojyo

"So, this is where Hakkai keeps these. I thought these papers were long gone. Hakkai must have took this from the trash," He took another piece of paper and read:

_My inventions_

The water-proof towel  
Glow in the dark sunglasses  
Solar powered flashlights  
A book on how to read  
Inflatable dart boards  
A dictionary index  
Powdered water

Inflatable anchor

Double-sided playing cards

Mechanical Pencil sharpeners

A black highlighter pen  
Pedal powered wheel chairs  
Water proof tea bags  
Reusable ice cubes  
Do it yourself roadmap…

"Judging from the Idea, this is written by that monkey. I won't read it through. Well, well, what do we have here?"

_2004: I will try not to be competitive in card games_

_2005: I will not be irritated in being defeated in card games_

_2006: I will not cheat in card games_

_2007: I will not let my opponent win_

_Impatiently, Hakkai_

Gojyo folded the letter, "Whoa, scary Hakkai!" He took two more papers

_2004: I will not get upset when that Kappa makes jokes about me.  
2005: I will not get annoyed when he kids me about my diet.  
2006: I will not get angry when that kappa tells the guys I am an ape.  
2007: I will not speak to Gojyo._

_Genuinely, Goku_

_  
2004: I will not smoke for this year_

_2005: I will not smoke for this month_

_2006: I will not smoke tomorrow_

_2007: I will not smoke near gas stations_

_Insincerely, Sanzo_

"These people don't have anything to write!" Gojyo took a small piece of paper then said, "Finally something funny, What's this? Wait til' Sanzo hears this. That monkey will be my personal slave! A perfect blackmail!"

Gojyo was about to continue reading when he heard Goku greet Hakkai and Sanzo. He tossed the papers inside and put back every single thing that he checked on. Unfortunately that small piece of paper was forgotten. Gojyo had to fold it and keep it in his pants. He got out of Hakkai's room on time. The other three entered the apartment. Gojyo grinned weirdly at Goku. Gojyo Got distracted as Goku showed hakkai...

Goku pulled on Hakkai's shirt. "Hakkai! I've been stung by a wasp"

"Quick put some ammonia on it!" Hakkai took a look. "I think I have some in my room.

"But I can not, it is gone, it flew away." Goku replied.

…Awkward silence…

Sanzo raised an eyebrow in surprise with Goku's answer. Hakkai ignored Goku and applied the ointment. Gojyo stared for a while, excused himself and laughed.

"It flew away? He thought the Ammonia was for the wasp. Ha, I thought he could think better than that." Gojyo roared with laughter.

**Star**: what happens when Goku becomes Gojyo's personal slave? What's inside that letter? What if Hakkai suspects that somebody sneaked in to his room? In the racket, Sanzo got hot headed, what happens if the three messed up? Could they survive the two weeks break? What if…. Oh well, you'll know whenever as long as you review!

**Before you go on, come on click that lower left button there (submit review) and tell me your favorite parts for this chapter**


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